*The following talks about girly-type issues, so if you are a guy or simply are uncomfortable about reading those kind of things, skip this post and look forward to my next post in a few days on some of the things I’ve gotten for college!*
Earlier this year my endocrinologist put me on the BC pills to see if they would kick-start my body into having my T.O.M. again on its own. (If you missed my previous posts on this, you can read about my experience here, here, here, here, and here.) This past month I wanted to see if after 7-9 months if I would be able to have it on my own.
I’ve been off them for over a month now and have been waiting to see if anything would happen. Each day for the first three weeks I wasn’t overly concerned, but as it started getting closer to when I could “expect” it, I start getting worried.
And then, this last week, something happened. I actually had it. I was startled when it happened, but in a good way. I’d been praying and fasting about it for a long time, and for it to happen made me cry.
I’ve been DYING to tell you about it the moment it happened, but I wanted to wait a little longer and see how it transpired. It only lasted for two-three days, but it was longer than I’ve even had on my own for over 3 years. I’m now waiting again to see if I will have it again, so the wait will continue.
Not being able to have it on my own has been something that has continuously worried me, especially since I used to have it on my own when I was younger. It’s hard not having it. One of my biggest dreams in the future is to be a mom and have kids of my own. That is the reason not having my time of month every month hurts me inside. When the doctors say there is nothing wrong with me and that I SHOULD be having it, it just hurts. I’ve been trying to do everything I can to bring it back. The only things my endocrinologist can think it could be is stress. I know that when I cut out all of those chemical-filled products years ago that my body went through a kind of turmoil. It stopped right after that. I know that it was stressed during that time from that. It could also be not getting enough sleep. It could be stress from school. It could be stress from life. I don’t know.
I wish this hardship would go away. I wish I could be “normal” again. But even after all of this, in the end, would I wish to have never gone through this? No.
Going through this, I have learned a lot about myself. I’ve learned the importance of keeping balance with life (not just physical but emotional and spiritual too). I’ve learned it’s okay to cry sometimes. I’ve learned strength come from enduring, not giving up. I’ve learned that life is full of twists and turns and sometimes I don’t always know what is going on. I’m definitely not there yet completely, but I’ve learned to look as food as fuel instead of obsessing over it as numbers. I’ve learned to rely on the Lord and to know that sometimes things happen so I can grow closer to Him. I don’t always know why certain things happen (and why other things don’t), but I’ve learned He’ll be there for me — through ALL of the ups and downs. I’ve found this hardship as almost a blessing in my life.
This Thanksgiving season has given me a chance to look back in retrospect at all the blessings in my life. Sometimes blessings can come in disguise, and I am seeing more clearly each and every day that trials and hardships can be blessings too.
I may never be a millionaire, but I can always be grateful for everything I DO have in my life, including a supportive family, amazing friends, an ever-faithful cat (who always seems to know when I need a snuggle), loving leaders, kind and caring readers, and more compassionate and kindhearted individuals in my life than I would be able to ever list.
I may never be an “Einstein,” but I can always strive to continue learning, increase in knowledge throughout college and motherhood someday, and strive to share the knowledge with others.
I may not be perfect, but I can always strive to be the best me I can be.
With lots of hugs,